Brutally Bewildered

Photo credit: Valentine, Flickr

Photo credit: Valentine, Flickr

It would have been easier to take a beating, bruises on the body heal faster then the ones unseen inside. Exceptional pain evoked by a unthinkable act. Cowardly you left and took comfort in the arms of one of your women she eased your conscience smoothed over the cracks of your breach. Forgave you in a split second for your fiendishness towards her. Pushed her hurt and anger aside and pardoned you. You talked of dying and she listened and put your feelings first. You got what you wanted as always, the mothering you missed, like a naughty boy sulking for being found out she held you, soothed your disgrace. She got what she thought she wanted. To be loved and to love, her need overrode the anger she felt, desperate and in despair she settled for what was beneath her and indulged you as you lay frightened at being exposed. I became an inconvenience and a distant memory in the immediate past. No thought for the wickedness you inflicted, she made that alright for you. Fixed on the love she gave she licked your superficial wounds while hers stayed raw and fresh. Like a mother she put her son first and loved you unconditionally however your not her child but her man. And I? Your liaison. Brutally bewildered by You. I try and let go enslaved by illusions I wean myself from your enchantment. As I know much like a hit of heroin all paths to you lead to misery. “Your special” Special are the women you fuck, we are all the same, powerful words used to wield your way into hearts and minds circulating through the bloodstream, through the veins and then intoxicating the brain. I stand tall and take any decency left in my hand, hold my heart close and walk away with grace. I leave behind the ugliness of this West End tragedy. I leave you both behind to bathe in your unconditional love laced with insecurity, jealously, paranoia, your endless make ups and breaks ups each time deepening the mistrust that slowly eats away at what serenity you had. I move forward I never look back I leave you both to wallow in your semblance.

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